The Scooter Bandit


Michigan  A Pontiac woman’s alleged theft attempt was foiled this week when her motorized cart became stuck at a Rochester Hills Meijer. Jerrie Perkins, 30, is charged with unarmed robbery, resisting and obstructing a police officer and second-degree retail fraud. Her bond was set at $15,000 by 52-3 District Magistrate Nick Camargo during arraignment Thursday. Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. The door alarm was activated when Perkins passed through it around 9:20 p.m. Tuesday, and Meijer employees approached her asking for a receipt for the items. Perkins — approximately 5 foot 2 and 400 pounds — shoved a loss prevention officer and hit her in the face, according to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office. A sheriff’s deputy arrived and asked Perkins to put her hands behind her back, but she “cursed at the deputy, balled her right hand into a fist and took a fighting stance,” according to a press release from the Sheriff’s Office. The deputy pulled his Taser and told Perkins to put her hands behind her back, but Perkins brought her fist up over her head and looked directly at the deputy. The deputy Tasered Perkins, who then complied with the deputy’s commands and was taken to jail.

I’ve seen it a hundred times. The Joe Louis fist. The Renaissance Center. 400 pounders scooter shoplifting. It’s a staple of Metro Detroit. If I had to guess I would’ve said this happened in a WalMart and not Meijer, but to me they’re one in the same. The derelicts of society fighting for the lowest prices on the daily, and they’ll gladly get tased to have a shot at 10 for $10 Faygo 2 liters. Now stealing the aforementioned delicious beverage is where you think it would cross the line to most. Just another day here in the D. I wouldn’t even do a double take at an over-weight person stealing 60 Faygo 2 liters, let alone $600 worth of electronics. She probably stuffed GPSs, laptops and knock off Meijer brand iPods under her fupa rolls. The real hero here is the man-made security metal detector. The mentally disabled/ 75+ year old receipt checker sensed a stuffed fupa, but gave this lady the nod, wink, and glare that says “I respect your grind, heffer,” and was ready to call it a day. But NO! the metal detector wouldn’t have it. Jumped out of nowhere, took the hit, and put it’s integrity on the line for the good of the Meijer bottom line. I wouldn’t stand in front of a 400-pound cat woman zipping over towards me at 5 MPH, while I’m trying to protect the exit like a linebacker on a goal line stand. Just another day in the life of a metal detector . . . You’re Welcome!          


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February 2011
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