Harvey Updyke Jr. – Pride of Alabama


Just when you thought you didn’t have enough reasons to hate Alabama, along comes this fucking guy. I assume you have all heard the story, but in brief, this way too old, way too sloppy, hill-billy mess was the dude who poisoned the tree at Toomers Corner. Toomers is where you will find the students of Auburn on the rare occasion they find themselves in the W column. (Previous season obviously withstanding, you’re well aware sans Cam Newton Auburn was a 7-5 team at best.) Screaming, celebrating, throwing toilet paper, and all other variety of hood rat shit. (I mean come on, act like you’ve been there before.)

Don’t get me wrong, I am no defender of Auburn, or any SEC school for that matter. But, when you’re this far removed from a school and your fanhood makes you want to cause emotional distress to a bunch of kids, you have issues. When the target of your aggression is a tree, you have a body in your trunk.

Meat heads are funny, meat heads can be fun to party with, hell, I may even know a thing or two about being a meat head, but no one likes a 60 year old meat head. Too-old dude at the party, egging the crowd on; it’s strange, uncomfortable, and totally harshes my buzz. So folks, get out there, have an age appropriate time, and don’t be a meat head.

Ps. Thanks to the Coalition for inviting me to the party, I will make a modest attempt to not be super disappointing, and quick shout out to all the Wu Disciples reading this, two weeks until Raekwon’s new album drops, which means seven days until were are illegally downloading them shits from the interwebz … wu-tang, wu-tang, wu-tang.


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February 2011
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