Ebensburg, PA – Police plan to cite two men who left a package containing a cow’s head on the doorstep of some friends in Pennsylvania.
Ebensburg police Chief Terry Wyland tells the Tribune-Democrat of Johnstown that it was a “prank” that “went quite a bit over the top.” The chief says a couple returned home from a trip Saturday evening to find a large cardboard box with their name and address on it near their front door. Inside was the cow’s head. The chief says it “caused the victims, especially the wife, stress.” Police say the pranksters came to police headquarters to confess Tuesday night. One of them has experience butchering cows.

This is nothing compared to the pranks we used to pull as adolescents. To avenge the destruction of our famous tree fort, we flung eggs at the house, decorated the vehicles with paint removers, and performed activities that can’t be spoken of involving strategically placed fecal matter and bodily fluids. We used to tape fishing line to the glass door with bolts hanging so you could run across the street, hide in the bushes, and knock on the door for literally 8 hours. It would keep people up all night, terrified, ready to blow their brains out because they thought they were hallucinating some type of civil terrorism.

A cow’s head on the door step? How sophomoric. Randy and Billy Bob here must have planned this for a whole 5 minutes. And who are these pussy “victims” Waaaaahhh! There’s a cow head on my porch! Waaaahhh! At least these people weren’t Italian mobsters that you fucked with or that shit would be laying on your pillow. You’d be snuggling up with this steer for hours before you even knew your house was broken into. Boop-idda, Boop. Beep-idda, Beep. Just another Tuesday night, Fuhgetaboudit. You’re lrasi and the fish. 

1 Response to “”

  1. February 24, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    >a coin and some fishing string, pulled that shit with our neighbors at 436 for 3 nights in a row, man those bitches were pissed when they found out it was us.

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February 2011
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