24
Feb
11

Is it Friday Yet?

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On any given week Friday is my least productive work day, followed closely by the days Monday – Thursday. Obviously, this is due in part because Thursday night continues to be, since the dawn of time, the best night to party. I mean when you offer to sell me beers for $1 and chicken wings for 25 cents it goes without saying I am going to consume both in excess, but I’m getting away from the point. The consequence of the school night party, is the work day hang-over and I am going to give you a few tips to successfully navigate this most unpleasant day.

  1. Snooze Early Snooze Often
Feel free to hit that snooze button a few extra times, it’s a drop in the bucket in terms of the sleep you have already sacrificed, but it’s going to help you get mentally prepared for the day. The last thing you want to do is hop straight out of bed and get to it, if a crucial injury is going to occur, now is the time, so pace your self.

  1. Show up late
Don’t think you will be able to conceal the state your in, you were marked before you walked in the door, wrinkled shirt, glassy crusty eyes, smelling like a bottle of Jack. Remember, before your boss was your boss, he was a bro and as such he knows what you will be capable of today, nothing. Don’t think of it as being truant, think of it as fulfilling everyone’s expectations.

  1. Pace Yourself
I cannot stress this point enough, too many times I’ve seen the weary Friday worker come out of the gates strong, fueled on the residual effects of last nights booze, only to spend the late morning calling dinosaurs on the restroom floor. Be honest with yourself, you will be as useful as stacked shit. Today is not the day to go for the title belt, survival is the goal.

4. Suck it up

The only thing more annoying than alcohol induced brain pain, is the dude in the cube next door bitching about his. We get it, you’re a party boy, now stop making my morning sound like a Miley Cyrus record. Stay the course and you will be rewarded, sick days were meant for homecoming weekend, or the day after the Flaming Lips show July 7th Aragon Ball Room, Extra tickets available! So don’t waste one here.

Hope you found this guide helpful, and while I cannot promise this won’t get you fired, I can promise that it will get you as close to neutral as any other method know to man. I mean isn’t that the point after all? Because, dude, it’s Friday and happy hour starts at 5, don’t let your vag get in the way of everyone’s good time.
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