Harvey Updyke Jr. – Pride of Alabama

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Just when you thought you didn’t have enough reasons to hate Alabama, along comes this fucking guy. I assume you have all heard the story, but in brief, this way too old, way too sloppy, hill-billy mess was the dude who poisoned the tree at Toomers Corner. Toomers is where you will find the students of Auburn on the rare occasion they find themselves in the W column. (Previous season obviously withstanding, you’re well aware sans Cam Newton Auburn was a 7-5 team at best.) Screaming, celebrating, throwing toilet paper, and all other variety of hood rat shit. (I mean come on, act like you’ve been there before.)

Don’t get me wrong, I am no defender of Auburn, or any SEC school for that matter. But, when you’re this far removed from a school and your fanhood makes you want to cause emotional distress to a bunch of kids, you have issues. When the target of your aggression is a tree, you have a body in your trunk.

Meat heads are funny, meat heads can be fun to party with, hell, I may even know a thing or two about being a meat head, but no one likes a 60 year old meat head. Too-old dude at the party, egging the crowd on; it’s strange, uncomfortable, and totally harshes my buzz. So folks, get out there, have an age appropriate time, and don’t be a meat head.

Ps. Thanks to the Coalition for inviting me to the party, I will make a modest attempt to not be super disappointing, and quick shout out to all the Wu Disciples reading this, two weeks until Raekwon’s new album drops, which means seven days until were are illegally downloading them shits from the interwebz … wu-tang, wu-tang, wu-tang.

Pay Me Boyeee

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Beats by Dr. Dre

ESPN just showed Jared Sullinger warming up with $400 Beats By Dr. Dre headphones. Now how does a college kid afford $400 headphones? How can parents who just put one kid through college and with the  economy in the Midwest afford to drop $400 on headphones? The answer is they can’t. Quit paying your players, Ohio State. You gotta wonder how they keep getting one and done guys. Thad Matta is such a snake. Dirty program.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

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Craigs-lisp.com

Thufferin’ Thuccotathh. Apparently people with a speech impediment read with an lisp. Who would’ve thought? Does this answer the question of how people who speak two languages think in their head? What language do they speak when they think? I’m gonna stop right here because this very question baffles me so much that it might ruin my day.
Oye should faurce you mates to read moy posts in a Bri’ish cockney tone. Bullocks. Damn, blokes. Oye mean that’s how Oye towk in me ‘ed, ya? Frew yew off a bit iddinit? Oye’m haveta royte everyfing loike this. Ole right then. Cheers!

We’ll Do It LIVE!

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Just bros being dudes tonight at the Joe Louis Arena. We’re gonna be blogging live from the game. We’ll be plenty of $8.50 beers deep; Molson tall-boys of course. Check in for live pregame predictions from the “Eat ‘Em Up Tigers” bum, pictures of the D on a lovely Tuesday night, and in-game analysis/people watching.  

Mine as well…

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I’m a big fan of proper grammar. Honestly, I’ve deleted friends off facebook for misusing and misspelling shit. For instance: If your facebook status is something like “Going to work than class than gym than finally getting some sleep..”; you’re getting deleted. Plain and simple. The only exception is if you’re a dime and your profile is perfect for creeping. I digress.

Today I got hit with one that’s been bugging me for a long time. “Mine as well…” Excuse me? Mine as well? As in, “You mine as well send it to him and see what he thinks.” Direct quote from an email my boss sent me today. Am I wrong, or is it supposed to be “might as well?” I feel like it’s becoming all too common for people to replace Might with Mine. Just look at it. It makes zero sense. Replace “mine” with another personal pronoun and see how much sense it makes. “I yours as well just go to the store and get a new one.” See, you look like a tard saying something like that. This has become one of my biggest pet peeves recently, and I wish everyone realizes what they are saying. So listen to me and listen to me good, illiterates. MIGHT as well is the phrase, not MINE as well. Accept it. Embrace it. Use it.

You’re Welcome

BREAKING: Carmelo to the Knicks

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Carmelo: “Deal or No Deal?” Kincks: “Deal!”

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=Aiz8mhaSKdP90AU4z1vV.bc5nYcB?slug=mc-anthonyknicks022111

Well I think it’s safe to say that the Knickerbockers are my new favorite team. I’ll spare you the details of the elaborate trade, but you can find it in the link above. Since acquiring A’mare Stoudemire, I’ve been giving this team some attention. Now with the addition of Carmelo, who has been my favorite player since he was at Syracuse, they are unstoppable. Kid has swag through the roof. Girls like his Dougie like Patty Mayonnaise. Now that he is in the biggest market on planet earth, the man is going to explode. He is as attention whore-ish as it gets. The only difference between him and LeBron is he had enough class to do this the right way.

It’s hard to really get behind a team in this league that isn’t your home team, since there is zero passion from 95% of the players in this league, and a collective bargaining agreement ready to cause a work stoppage for the 2011-2012 season. Let’s be real for a second. Detroit Pistons are irrelevant in every sense of the word. Their main problem is lack of passion. Passion!? Really? I mean despite the fact that there’s an owner that’s checked out for years, there are teammates with zero chemistry, and besides 2 or 3 young players, no future.  There is no way the pistons will compete for a title within the next 5-7 years. The Knicks, Heat, and Bulls are built to win now, and in the future, and will dominate for the better part of the decade. The team’s in your hands Mr. Dumars(for now); show me something.